Add text or HTML here
   

<< August 2004 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
01 02 03 04 05 06 07
08 09 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31

Add text or HTML here

If you want to be updated on this weblog Enter your email here:



rss feed

Aug 29, 2004
Don't waste you time on me your already the voice inside my head, I miss you

Over the past few days i have been really thinking about my time in high school.......i have done a lot of not so good stuff but then again i have bcome half of the person i have always wanted to be. aI really miss some of the seniors i used to talk to sumtimes.  I miss the kid i liked even though i really shuldn't.  He was so mean to me an i mean i didn't do nething to help that but it dosn't matter.  I mean i was over bearing an i did talk to him a lot and i just culdn't accept that he had a g/f i mean i do now but i wuz sooo immature.  I'm growing up now an i am happy for that but my past just eats me alive.  I haunts me everyday all the shit i have done to get me into trouble all the things that have crossed my mind......o god the things that have crossd my mind.  I have though about just the most horrible things.......it's kinda hard not to say i'm a psycho...i don't want to be one it's just it always kinda come out and it hurts a lot.  I have tried therapy and it worked but i just culdn't get that demon outta me......there wuz just one thing i culdn't get id of.  I never spoke if it bcuz i didn't no how to.....  i didn't want to end up in butler or like a mental institution.  God i gotta get rid of this it's like a sickness that no matter how hard i try to repress it no matter how hard i  try to hide it....it always comes up..  am gonna let it all go...... i keep having these thoughts of how bad wuld shit really hit the fan if i did this or like how creepy wuld it b if i said this how much crap wuld i get into if i did this..  Once i thought wut if sum1 i knew got their nipples pieced an i went over to them one random day that they talked abo0ut their piercing an shoved a dollar down their shirt......wuld they ever talk to me again.. once i got yelled at by my boss an i thought...wow wut if i wuz dumb enough and ungreatfull enough and rude enough to call her a bitch even though i deserved to get yelled at.  Wut wuld she say? wut wuld she do? how wuld she talk to me afterwards?  Once i thought to myself that wut if i did sumthin so bad that i got fired from work? How wuld my co workers treat me? How wuld my dad treat me? Then one time i thought when i wuz out with my friends wut if i were really just using them?? how much of an asshole thing is that to do? I culd never do that to them though...i can't live without ant....even if i just get to talk to him online. and cherish an melissa and barry too god i just spill my guts to these people where wuld i b without them??  How much more different wuld my life be if i didn't go to saint thomas?? What if i didn't learn all those lessons and learn all that stuff?? How many friends wuld i really have?? Wuld i be dead?? ok well i ahve to go outside now but i will write more later.........bye bye

Posted at 01:05 pm by ZeppelingirlZ
 

Previous Entry Home Next Entry