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Sep 2, 2004
Is there anybody listening?

I'm in skool an i have like 20 mins for lunch.  I'm wicked tired an i just feel very blah..... I wish i could go to JHS but my mom just won't let me.  I have to get out of here.  There is something that just isn't right about how i feel.  I can already feel the change take place it's soo weird.  I'm not the same person i wuz.....even a few days ago.....i can kinda almost feel the misoury comming over me.  It just feels so strsnge an unnatural for me to b back in skool..... I miss pete more and more everyday. I no he doesn't like me anymore an i'm wicked happy we r friends,he's an awesome kid but i dunno i have to go to my locked so i g2g bye bye

Posted at 11:22 am by ZeppelingirlZ
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Aug 29, 2004
Don't waste you time on me your already the voice inside my head, I miss you

Over the past few days i have been really thinking about my time in high school.......i have done a lot of not so good stuff but then again i have bcome half of the person i have always wanted to be. aI really miss some of the seniors i used to talk to sumtimes.  I miss the kid i liked even though i really shuldn't.  He was so mean to me an i mean i didn't do nething to help that but it dosn't matter.  I mean i was over bearing an i did talk to him a lot and i just culdn't accept that he had a g/f i mean i do now but i wuz sooo immature.  I'm growing up now an i am happy for that but my past just eats me alive.  I haunts me everyday all the shit i have done to get me into trouble all the things that have crossed my mind......o god the things that have crossd my mind.  I have though about just the most horrible things.......it's kinda hard not to say i'm a psycho...i don't want to be one it's just it always kinda come out and it hurts a lot.  I have tried therapy and it worked but i just culdn't get that demon outta me......there wuz just one thing i culdn't get id of.  I never spoke if it bcuz i didn't no how to.....  i didn't want to end up in butler or like a mental institution.  God i gotta get rid of this it's like a sickness that no matter how hard i try to repress it no matter how hard i  try to hide it....it always comes up..  am gonna let it all go...... i keep having these thoughts of how bad wuld shit really hit the fan if i did this or like how creepy wuld it b if i said this how much crap wuld i get into if i did this..  Once i thought wut if sum1 i knew got their nipples pieced an i went over to them one random day that they talked abo0ut their piercing an shoved a dollar down their shirt......wuld they ever talk to me again.. once i got yelled at by my boss an i thought...wow wut if i wuz dumb enough and ungreatfull enough and rude enough to call her a bitch even though i deserved to get yelled at.  Wut wuld she say? wut wuld she do? how wuld she talk to me afterwards?  Once i thought to myself that wut if i did sumthin so bad that i got fired from work? How wuld my co workers treat me? How wuld my dad treat me? Then one time i thought when i wuz out with my friends wut if i were really just using them?? how much of an asshole thing is that to do? I culd never do that to them though...i can't live without ant....even if i just get to talk to him online. and cherish an melissa and barry too god i just spill my guts to these people where wuld i b without them??  How much more different wuld my life be if i didn't go to saint thomas?? What if i didn't learn all those lessons and learn all that stuff?? How many friends wuld i really have?? Wuld i be dead?? ok well i ahve to go outside now but i will write more later.........bye bye

Posted at 01:05 pm by ZeppelingirlZ
 

Aug 8, 2004
Discomfort Endlessly has pulled itsself upon me..........

The past few weeks have been ok.  The workshop i went to wuz ok an i learned a few new things but it wuz only about a certain few.........that really pissed me off it wuz just like saints.. And it felt like people were laughin at me too...... But ne way......i have been seeing a lot of anthony lately an melissa an cherish an i like it lol......but imiss seein jeff an barry an kim an crystal..........BLAH!!!! But i have like 2 more weeks at work an my bank account is fuckin shot..... but i have been having a great summer i might b goin to a concert on thursday...yes me an my concerts........i love em wut can i say lol.    I have to have as much fun as possible before skool starts an i really wanna have fun lol ......like u have no idea i am gonna get killed bcuz i haven't even started summer reading....ooopsss...**gag** **gag**......but yea i really don't wanna go back........the only thing i wanna see is the year book.....i dunno y though..........i do sumtimes get those nostalgic feeling though....about when i just started comming to saints an how warm the sun was an how the smell of the football players sweat haunted the hallways of the lockerrooms even when we were gettin ready for gala lol........mind u gala starts in april lol........the smell stays there all year...it's really gross u get the picture.........but yea.....i really liked the beginning of freshmen year......just the beginning though.  but ne way.... i don't wanna go back......but i have like 3 more weeks so i am happy an in those 3 weeks i am gonna pack it with as much fun stuff as i possibly can...so yea i am gonna go.........bye bye

Posted at 10:28 am by ZeppelingirlZ
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Aug 4, 2004
Maybe this Time....I'll Win??

No I'm not ok
Are you crazy?
Did you see the look on my face?
Could you feel the pain spilling from my heart?
I was right there
How could they say something like that?
Who the fuck are they to lable me and judge me??
They don't know who i really am
I don't want them to
I just wanna sing to the stars an moon
i wanna put people in awe
My god sumtimes it's sooooo cold an lonely an cold......i will add more later but i am tired so i shall go to sleep!!!!!!! BLAH!!!

Posted at 10:53 pm by ZeppelingirlZ
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Jul 25, 2004
I stole this from you katie

My dearest friend if you don't mind
I'd like to join you by your side
Where we can gaze into the stars
And sit together now and forever
For it's as plain as anyone can see
We're simply meant to be ~Jack and Sally

i love this quote it's sooo cute....thanx katie!!!

Posted at 03:25 pm by ZeppelingirlZ
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Jul 24, 2004
Cause i'm broken when i'm lonesome and i don't feel right........

Ok so the past week has been pretty descent.  I went to 2 concerts an out with my friends....a lot ....i love goin out an stuff it is sooo much fun i wanna just do it over an over an over.... i got a piar of chucks cuz i lost both of my shoes at a concert i went to........both of them.......yea u guessed it....i wuz moshing......o an crowd serfing...thanx cameron........thanx a lot......no but seriously dude if u ever read this really thanx cuz i got a new pair of chucks out of  it...but ne way.....i am gonna get goin cuz i am really kinda itchin to watch a movie so i'm outtie...later

Posted at 10:05 pm by ZeppelingirlZ
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Jul 17, 2004
Acting stupid can't control with my best friends........

Last night i had a great time...... I went to the movies with my friends Anthony Melissa an Cherish an we went to see Spiderman 2.....Good Movie.  An then after the movie we went to get sumthin to eat an then we all went home.....doesn't seem like much but still i got outta the house an i wuz with my friends.  o an b4 all that i went to the gym an i went to a spinning class...that is where u stay on a bike for like an hour an u just keep pedaling an pedaling to music.  An i had fun an i tried to keep up but it wuz kinda hard but it wuz fun.  An now my ass hurts like whoa......but i had a great time.....thanx guys!!!!!!!! An jeff we have to chill sumtime soon!!!!

Posted at 12:08 pm by ZeppelingirlZ
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Jul 14, 2004
It's just another rainy night....with out you

OK so yea i am just poppin in to tell everyone how fuckin miserable i am i have been havin terrible days an i want it all to end.....sum1 please just call me tomorow i will give u my number i need to outa the house so if ne1 loves me come pik me up an just let's go.....ne where...........so yea i really need to b ith my friends an i am just gonna go insane....god help me...........:-/ i'm wicked dpressed an i dunno y though.......i just need sumthin to cheer me up......i feel fuckin horrible....but i have to go now so i will talk to u later bye bye.......

Posted at 10:03 pm by ZeppelingirlZ
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Jul 10, 2004
All I Want Is Freedom A World With No More Night and You Always me Beside Me To Hold Me and To Hide Me..........

Yesterday Jeff Kim Barry Krystal and I went to the mall.  We saw kim's uuuuummm well i'm not sure wut he is to kim.... but ne way....i bought a 2 skirts 2 shirts an a belt.  I had fun.  Then came the best part we went to johnston memorial park an swang and played hide an go seek.......it was kim krystal me an jeff an barry(jeff an barry were on the other team).  But yea we had sooo much fun.....But monday i go back to the workplace of doom.........they suck my brain ya no.  They really do!!! no i'm serious....hey u guys..where r ya goin???.....wait up lol i g2g later......gotta go spill my guts lol later

Posted at 06:44 pm by ZeppelingirlZ
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Jul 9, 2004
Here in this diary.....here is wut my summer is gonna b like

Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
And that unspoken feeling of knowing
Right now is all that matters
All the nights we stayed up talking
and listening to 80's songs;
quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.
I guess when it comes down to it...

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

Breaking into hotel swimming pools,
and wreaking havoc on our world.
Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time.
The black top's singing me to sleep.
Lighting fireworks in parking lots,
illuminate the blackest nights.
Cherry cokes under this moonlight summer sky.
2015 Riverside, it's time to say, "goodbye."
Get on the bus, it's time to go.

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart,
and eventually you'll finally get it right. - The Attaris: In This Diary: So LOng Astoria


This summer is gonna b great.  So far i have been having a blast.  But there is one thing i need to talk about.  I'm still hung up over sumthin.  I can't let it go it's almost as if it is being rubbed in my face.  I lost sum1 who i shuld have just stayed with an now i have lost them forever.  We will still be friends but it won't feel the same.  Like i no i will always like this person.....i dunno wut to do ne more.....it's like **sigh** i dunno...... I feel alone an really scared right now.  But i kinda deserve it cuz i kinda really screwed up an yea u no the deal.........y didn't i just stay.......how did i no i wuld b kiking myself in the ass for this??? how did i no???









Posted at 01:00 pm by ZeppelingirlZ
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